Table Rock blues

Just what you've all been waiting for:

Why, oh why, does the table rock? Makes my food fall off the top.

Coffee spills all over the place, makes me turn all red in the face.

You can moan and you can beg, but they won't fix that table leg.

If the table tips, here's a tip for the boss: you get no tips if the table rocks.

CHORUS: Hey, hey, Mr. Restaurant Man, fix that thing as fast as you can.

   Hey, hey, you big dumb waiter, fix that table or I'll see you later.

One o' those table legs needs proppin' to keep the table top from rockin'.

The table just goes flippity-flop, unless you use a proper prop.

That nice young waitress sure is fine - it seems like she can read my mind:

She brings me toast, she brings me eggs, she brings me napkins to prop that leg.

CHORUS: Hey, hey, Miz Café gal, fix that table and I'll be your pal.

   Hey, hey Mr. Cool Barrista, fix that thing or I'll kick your keister.

I love coffee, I love tea, but not when it's all over me.

I love bacon, I love beans, but not when they're all over my jeans.

A rockin' chair makes my old heart sing, a rockin' table's another thing.

Chitlins, grits and big hamhocks, slide all around when the table rocks.

CHORUS: Hey, hey, gimme those beer mats - I need five more to make the table flat.

   Hey, hey, bring some wooden blocks, to prop those legs when the table rocks.

A lotta folks, they got no brain: when the table rocks, they don't complain.

I'm gettin' tired o' that noisy table, take that durn thing out to the stable.

I think this table needs a brace: it rocks when the house band plays that bass.

The table bangs, the table knocks, don't need a drum when the table rocks.

CHORUS: Hey, hey, I'm spillin' my beer - bring that doorstop over here.

   Glue that thing to the table pole, so the goldurn table won't rock and roll.

CHORUS REPEAT: Readin' the paper, I'm in a rage:

            the table rocks when I turn the page.

            It keeps on rockin' on the floor, so I ain't comin' back no more.




You can read about the context for all this in Restaurant Rant no. 1...