Restaurant Rant No. 1: rocky tables

No, this isn't a folk tune like "Morpeth Rant", though I suppose I could make my ranting into a song: 

Newly laid floor in St Pancras station, 
London, with rocky table

Why, oh why, does the table rock?

Makes my food fall off the top.

Coffee spills all over the place,

Makes me turn all red in the face.

OK, I guess I'm not a songwriter, but you get what I mean. Is it only England that is plagued with rocky tables? By that, I mean ones that don't sit on their feet properly and rock back and forth when you put your elbows on the table. (I know, I know, my mother said don't put your elbows on the table.)

But really, wadded up napkins, folded beer mats, venue programs, even menus stuffed under the table foot?

Is it the table or is it the floor that's the problem? A lot of the buildings here are old, with stone floors or other uneven surfaces; and with the coming of 'cafe culture', tables outdoors on the pavement (sidewalk) have to deal with multiple excavations for laying cable, repairing pipes, and just general decay. Somehow, these are understandable problems.

The real p****r is when the floor is smooth and the feet still rock, or when the table top itself rocks and the feet are stable. If you complain to staff, they just shrug or shove more napkins under the feet. It would seem they would do better business if they paid more attention to their equipment – nothing more irritating than trying to cut a piece of meat when the table rocks back and forth. For that, I might as well be on a ship (or become a vegetarian)!

(My pal Dweeb was so inspired by my attempted lyrics-writing that he’s written an entire song called “Table Rock”. It's here!)